Friday Thoughts by the Fire: #79
The Clinician
I used to screen individuals in crisis to determine whether or not they were appropriate for psychiatric hospitalization. I remember thinking that whatever disposition I settled on, I could justify it.
In other words, whether or not I recommended hospitalization, I had reasons for coming to that particular conclusion. I would thoroughly document the reasoning behind my decisions.
And just because I evaluated someone and came to a disposition, doesn’t mean another clinician would’ve decided the same thing. Life is filled with subjectivity. A certain clinician’s personality, their lifestyle, and their level of anxiety, might sway a decision one way or the other.
The over-arching goal is to take the information at hand and make a judgment on that person’s ability (or not) to keep themselves safe.
Life is full of clinicians — taking information and making judgments. It’s how we navigate this messy journey. And it is messy. Everyone is an expert.
One of the reasons we’re all so good at giving advice — but not following it — is because we know what we would do if we were them. The flaw in this thinking is that the stakes aren’t very high for us personally when we’re giving the advice, rather than taking it.
We build support systems around us to reinforce our ways of thinking and feel safe about the decisions we make. We build reasons for justifying our feelings in a given situation, because that is more comfortable than confronting the bad parts of us that we don’t want to examine.
We’d rather bury those and pretend they don’t exist. They are an uninvited guest, and if we ignore them long enough, they’ll simply go away.
The truth is we cannot talk about life without including the ugly parts. It is part of the equation, after all. We will have to face those parts, one way or another. Otherwise we’re consumed by them.
We let them grow inside of us and create a bitter crust around our hearts. We take things and people for granted, and we often struggle to deal with the ever-present resentment that develops.
The clinicians come out of every corner, almost with an excitement to evaluate and diagnose us, and to tell us where we went wrong. Miraculously, they also seem to have the one simple solution to getting rid of all the weight holding us down.
The truth is, those dark parts inside us have taken a while to grow. Like mold, they slowly spread until they’ve overtaken us and are now more noticeable than ever.
Meanwhile, we’re judged for having them in the first place. How could we? Things should be so simple. It should be easy for us to dispatch this ugliness attached to us.
Your childhood, your relationships, your anxieties, your depression, your self-esteem, your environment. What goes in, sometimes influences what comes out.
The Bible says that what comes out of one’s mouth defiles a person. Lashing out with words or actions put the ugly parts of us on display.
The reality is we are all responsible for what we do and say. We are all responsible for our behaviors, both the selfish and selfless. The good and bad. The kind and mean.
We are all capable of having the convenience of being the clinician. In some ways our judgments of others are too easy, too readily available. But the struggle is found in the desperate seat. The one in need of help.
Much like scars, faults are all very easy to see, but they all have a unique story. It is vital to learn from each one. To keep adding the building blocks to a better version of ourselves.
Faults are part of the human experience and so are clinicians. It’d be wise of us not to put too much stock in either, but to keep a heart of kindness and compassion. A heart of responsibility and accountability.
The things that build character are not found in acting perfect every day. They are not about making the right decision, every time. Character is built through adverse circumstances. Character is about resilience and about learning. Character is about taking the second chance seriously.
It isn’t about not ever hurting others. If we were all defined by our careless acts, our inhumane thoughts, our selfish desires — if that is everything anyone can see when they look at us — our hearts would all be just as ugly as the next. Every fault on display.
Character is about recognizing our capability to cause harm and trying our damnedest to avoid that at all costs. To realize that becoming a better person every day is a choice and a privilege. A selfless way. An endeavor to die to our personal desires in order to benefit others.
No, we cannot ruin the person we are with our singular mistakes. We can ruin the person we are if we think we don’t make any. We have to become people that are not afraid to fall and that strain to avoid becoming the lifelong clinician.
“Why do we fall, Bruce? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
- Thomas Wayne (Batman Begins)