Friday Thoughts by the Fire: #78

The end

Recently I said goodbye to my grandmother, who was 92. She was so special to many people, in different personal ways. To me, she was my last grandparent left. To me, she was the end of an era of people in my life.

Death looks different now than it used to look. Death used to be so far away I didn’t ever think about it. Now I’m finding that it teaches me things.

Being afraid of it — being avoidant — perhaps isn’t the way I should treat it.

My grandmother’s passing is significant to me in a lot of ways. It came on the heels of me making a big decision in my career.

I had the honor of being one of the people to share at her funeral, and as I thought about my grandmother, I realized that I never actually knew what she did. For a job. I didn’t remember.

I didn’t remember certain hobbies or accomplishments she had achieved. Obviously some of this is because she was my grandma and I had a different relationship than a spouse or a child.

Nonetheless, the things that kept coming back to me all involved the way that my grandma made me feel. She taught me something in her passing.

She taught me to be mindful about how I make people feel, above all else. What else are we trying to leave behind?

How impressive our careers were? How much money we made?

I watched my family come together and support each other during a time of loss. They weren’t focused on anything but making sure one another knew that they were loved and supported.

I see this often in life. I see people come together in moments of adversity. Moments of loss or tragedy. I see them lean on one another during times where they recognize that presence means more than anything else in the world.

I see people making each other feel better. Comforting each other. Putting aside differences, laying to rest their pride.

In the end, we will all leave in an unpleasant way. We will all walk out the door of life before the ones we love are truly ready for us to go.

In the end, we will leave them with the memories and the lasting impressions of our own personal imprint on their lives. We will leave them with how we made them feel.

The struggle is indeed important. The suffering and agony is sometimes vital. Though it never feels right when we’re going through it, if we make it to the other side we’re often better for it.

It was ultimately the end for her. But I will never forget what my grandmother taught me when she left this world behind.

Thanks, Grandma.

---