In the past year a lot has changed. We brought a new baby boy into this world just over a year ago. My job has been evolving. New challenges have emerged both at work and at home.
And through it all, my heart has stayed full. Not without frustration, grief, struggle, humility, or doubt, of course. But, nonetheless, it's full.
I've learned a lot from lots of different people. I've learned from books, I've learned through conversations, through mistakes, and that process continues.
Life is becoming this ever evolving door. Getting older is this uphill climb to the top of a mountain where you just find out there's more mountain. You think you're finally grasping a concept and it turns out to be a false summit.
It doesn't feel like I'm catching up on wisdom at all, rather I'm realizing more and more how much I don't know. It brings me to the single best advice I've gotten this past year. And I'll preface this by saying it's basic, but profound.
It affects the way I view my interactions with people. It affects the way I handle what I perceive to be rudeness. It affects my analysis of decisions made by me and others. And it affects my ability to overlook mistakes, faults, and frustrations.
You've probably heard this before, and I'm probably late to the party. Recently someone told me to assume positive intent. In my interactions with people, I should assume positive intent.
It's so basic. But the reason it's so profound is because if you make the smallest cognitive shift, an interaction can have a whole new meaning. A decision can now become more understandable. You might still think it's dumb, but it's easier to see why it was made.
Not unlike the best advice I received in college — to remain curious — assuming positive intent means that a person can't be doing something just to annoy me. Or pain me. There must be more solid reasoning behind a behavior. An explanation of sorts.
And if I put myself through that mental jog, I can slow down the judgments. I can be open to actually listening and meeting them where they are.
When we interact with people, we naturally hold a blind double standard. It's easy to see the faults and mistakes of others and sometimes equally as easy to explain away our own.
Assuming positive intention removes this double standard. We then look at their mistake as if it were our own. In doing so, we can magically come up with explanations for why someone chose the specific route. We won't have a barrage of judgments.
This can go a long way in the work force. People have a habit of pointing out mistakes of peers and then gossiping about those mistakes to other colleagues.
Assume. Positive. Intent. Go try it.