“He was so sure in his actions, it made me question whether or not he was right. I began thinking something was wrong with me. And I still don't want to leave”.
I talked to a woman last week who was the victim of domestic violence. She was with him for 18 years and was still trying to figure out the situation over the phone with me. She called shortly after filing a personal protection order (PPO) against him.
She was trying to fit together puzzle pieces, like she could solve a problem and everything could go back to normal. But the damage was done.
She’s a teacher, and by the sounds of it, a good one. She seemed like a confident person, both professionally and in her personal life, sans her relationship with her husband. She is a mother, has strong supports, and recognized her need to just find a therapist to talk to.
I thought about our conversation later on that day. I thought about what she said. That this man had somehow convinced her—in his verbal and physical abuse, and in his belittling of her—that she was the problem.
She thought she was broken. That she needed fixing. She was so perplexed that this current version of her husband was so different than the man she married. She thought it was her fault.
How fragile are we?
That someone can step on our head while we're drowning, and we would only question our own swimming skills. It must be me.
This is why our surroundings are so important. Iron sharpens iron, right? Iron doesn't chip away another piece until its weakened and dull, able to be manipulated further.
It's so important to know who we're looking at when we stop at the bathroom sink every morning. You are more capable than you realize.
You are capable of being hurt and also of breaking someone. You are capable of being controlled and also of manipulation.
So take care of each other.
No matter how hard the exterior looks, every person is just a chain of moments away from thinking they're not worthy of love.