Do you ever feel like you're running on empty and then someone asks you an annoying question, and you involuntarily lash out?
It often has nothing to do with the question or the other person in general. It has to do with internal strife.
Part of my job involves meeting people where they are, in the current moment, today. This comes in all shapes and sizes.
Sometimes I might talk to devastated parents that have just lost a child. Or maybe they happened upon a suicide note their child left them. They are confused, scared and wondering what they can best do to support them in their apparent struggle.
Sometimes I talk to a person with a newly diagnosed mental illness. They're often worried and aren't sure what to do next.
Other times I talk to people with seemingly minor problems. Maybe they have some anxiety and they're trying to cope. Maybe they dropped out of college and are in a “crisis” because they don't know what to do with themselves.
In any case, one thing remains—people need to be met right where they are. The gravity of the current circumstance usually outweighs any future outlook.
There's something unique about sitting in someone's crisis space, in that space of emergent need.
They don't need you to come up with an instant cure, although I'm sure they would take it in a heartbeat. They don't need you to put on a cape and jump into a burning building.
They want to feel okay. And if they don't feel okay right now, they want to know that they will feel okay again.
All of us have a most vulnerable state of ourselves that only a handful of people will ever see. This might be a place of deep sadness, of desperation, of extreme anger, or something else entirely.
The outside version of us—the version showing up to work and going to the grocery store—is not always a representation of our inner thoughts and struggles. In fact, most of the time it isn't even close.
In an ideal world, we'd love for people to just meet us where we are. We'd love for the the average interaction to include a sincere and caring person on the other side. One who wants to make sure we're okay before approaching us with questions or responsibilities that we don't have the energy to think about.
Of course we know that isn't real life. And maybe the best we can do is just understand that everybody has some inner-struggle going on. And it's usually followed by a desire to be heard and understood.
A desire to be met in the ebbs and flows of the small disasters that make up our existence.
Life just isn't clean and tidy. There will be another mess. Another need. Another crisis. Again and again.
I get paid to meet people where they are. But admittedly I'm seldom the first person to show grace and understanding in situations outside of that bubble.
Of all people, I should know better. And maybe the point is the trying. If I can at least try to see people, maybe I'll be better.
Then again, maybe I just need you to meet me where I am today.