“Maybe it'd be good for you to ride the bench”.
It was my senior year of high school and I just finished up a successful fall season of sports. I was having a conversation with my mom about what I was going to participate in as the winter months were approaching.
We were talking about basketball. I hadn't played since freshman year, and I knew the coaching staff for the varsity team was very committed to playing 4th-year players. Players that had been playing basketball every season throughout high school.
We both knew if I tried out and made the team, I'd most likely have limited playing time. Which was my first hesitation.
So, she said it.
She didn't tell me to hold out hope for the starting lineup. Instead she took the realistic route, as she often does, and presented this idea that sitting the bench was a forgone conclusion. She was focused on the opportunity that awaited me if I made the decision to try out.
It was one of the decisions in life I'll never forget, but not because of some profound reasoning. More so that I don't know many 18 year old kids that just shoo aside their ego and suck it up.
I was coming off a really good season of soccer, where I earned quite a few honors for individual accomplishments. I was one of the best players on the team.
Mom was being mom. She thought I had enough time in the spotlight, and maybe I needed to see the other side of things. So she thought I should try out for basketball. It would keep me active and out of her hair.
It taught me something valuable. I learned that I can't always expect to be front row, reaping all the attention and benefits. Not only that, but it gave me another perspective.
There's a lot of focus on leadership these days. On reaching your full true potential in everything you do. A lot of times we give no credit to opposition, and instead we focus on the things we should be able to achieve.
We usually call it an excuse for not accomplishing more or doing better. But there are barriers that undoubtedly show up and we can't always move them or get through them without help.
Sometimes we have to wait. Sometimes we have to watch other people thrive in a place or position that we want to be. We have to learn how to not become envious. We have to look around for what we have at our disposal and then use that to do what we can.
My confidence in my individual ability has always remained high. But there were (and will be) times in life that I had to look up to someone else holding the reigns. I had to watch someone else in a leadership position. We all have to go through that, even if it feels like we’re getting jipped.
There’s value in learning from that person, who may or may not be good in their role. I’ve learned as much from bad leadership that I have from good to this point in my career.
The idea of riding the bench was never about my teammates. It was about my fate, my role on the team. It wasn't about wanting what the starters have in all their glorious playing time. It was about accepting my place on the team—in whatever capacity—and focusing on what I can do within my role.
Reaching potential is sometimes about using whatever skills you have to make the most out of your situation. It isn’t all about being the best. There will always be parameters out of your control.
In this case, my coach wasn't going to put me in the starting lineup unless I was able to dunk from the free throw line. There was nothing I could do about that.
I think knowing your limitations can be one of the strongest characteristics that you have. A lot of motivational stuff out there will tell you to do better and be better. But sometimes you’re just limited. Whether it be ability or resource, making that distinction and coming to that reality is invaluable.
For me, it turns out, I did need to ride the bench. It was only a building block for future success, after all.
Is there an area of life where you feel inadequate? Why? What can you learn through your experience that will help you in the future?