I've noticed that whenever I experience something for the first time, or maybe something is just new to me, “experts” just start coming out of nowhere.
It feels like everyone is an expert in certain activities, like driving and parenting.
If you have experience with either of those, you probably feel like you're the best at them.
As people, it's what we do. We take our experience and we can't wait to inform or tell people about what we've learned. The ego is always fighting to find a way to bolster its own status.
For the most part, people enjoy talking about themselves. There's a certain aspect of superiority when we feel like we're an expert in a field or if someone asks us for advice.
It feels a little good. We not only feel a certain respect from the person asking, but it pumps us up when we feel like we're helping someone. The ego gets a boost and confidence goes up. We feel needed and that our opinion is valuable to another person.
Sometimes it's just not though. Sometimes I misread a situation and maybe become annoying instead. Or my input turns out to be significantly less valuable than I thought it was. So then the ego takes a shot. It gets humbled.
I'm not BS-ing you when I say I'm thankful for that. I don't embrace the moments of humility enough. None of us really do. Everyone wants a little relevancy in their lives.
We do things like make announcements on social media when we're going to “take a break” from the platform. You know who cares when you’re absent from social media? Your mom and like two of your friends. Nobody else.
Most people tend to care about how they personally feel instead. It's usually what they care about the most.
It's why humans behave the way they do. There are only a few relationships where we're more concerned about the other person's feelings rather than our own. Only a few.
And we can't kid ourselves. We do a lot of things because it makes us feel good about ourselves.
But social media has paved a way for us to have an opinion about anything, and we get to share that in a public sector right now.
This has garnered spaces to rant, share thoughts, and argue until people convince themselves that there's no hope for the opposing side.
Ego. Personal validation. Pride.
Being an expert feels good. But humility is more important than anything I have to offer anyone. And I have to keep that mentality.
Sometimes I get crisis calls at work. Some people are in the middle of anxiety attacks, some are maybe suicidal. No matter the case, they never ask about my credentials.
Their primary concern isn't who they are talking to. They want to feel better. They're concerned about having another person on the other side of the conversation that will listen to them. They don't want to hear about diagnosis, treatment options, or speculate about their future mental health.
They want to feel normal again, in this moment. They don't need a particular thing, they just need someone. They need presence. Those moments aren't about me or what I can offer anybody.
They have nothing to do with my ego.
If someone wants to know our opinion or wants our advice specifically, they will ask. Until or unless that happens, they might not really care what we have to offer.
And that's actually okay.
"If someone wants to know our opinion or wants our advice specifically, they will ask." This is such a great line. I enjoyed these Friday Fire Thoughts!
(I also wanted to let you know that on the Substack Office Hours this past Thursday, they had a shout-out thread. I mentioned yours in the chat and recommended The Humanity. :))
My favorite article to date.. in my opinion! 🤣