Sometimes I feel like I try to grip life too tightly. If I know I don't have control, I mentally grip tighter, like I'll be able to eventually steer the ride.
Like a roller coaster. You go upside down, spinning all over the place, things get more intense and you start to hang on tighter, as if you're going to be able to manipulate it.
Earlier this week I got sick. I'll spare you the details but it was rough for about a day. And most of the day there was this tension in the household. Because we don't want our kids getting sick. So naturally I'm trying to protect them and my wife from the potential.
I was trying to protect them from the worst case scenario. That's when anxiety likes to have its day. That's when the “what if” starts to creep in.
What if our kids get sick? What if I get sick? What if this lasts for weeks? What if we're holed up in the house all alone?
Worst case scenarios seem to be the only thing we think about when we get potential bad news. And maybe the worst case scenario is actually staring us in the face. Maybe we're living in it.
But maybe it's far off. Maybe there's little to no chance of the worst case. It doesn't seem to matter either way. We behave the way our anxieties tell us to. We prepare for Armageddon when we get a flat tire on the way to work.
The reality of life is usually right around the corner of these anxious games. It's right around the bend of what if and worst case.
The problem is my mind is always defending itself. So it sometimes has no choice but to look around and imagine the worst possible situation, and then start preparing for that.
Because your mind wants you to survive. It's trying to defend you by giving you the gravest dangers of each situation, just in case. But most of the time it's wrong.
More than likely your worst case scenario never comes. It’s too late, though. The damage has been done. You already may have stayed up for long nights, lost your appetite, and worried. And then worried some more.
I feel like we're all just hanging on in those moments. We're hoping, but we're waiting for the worst of it. We're almost expecting it.
The encouraging part is that we're all on this ride. Most of us are tensing up when the ride gets rough. We're gripping tighter. Trying to control this thing.
But there's a few of you. A few of you are wild. You guys are sitting front row, your hands are up, and you're free. In some of the most intense moments, you're out there knowing what you can and can’t control and you're letting go.
What a special place to be.
Beautiful fire thoughts, and I 100% can relate. Oh how I long to be that person with their hands up in the front... hopefully sooner rather than later.